Why does a brokenheart needs its own theme song?

Because even when it's alone, it feels like it's not. Someone understood enough to even make a song out of the pain. It translated into art when it could not be expressed any other way. Singing the hurt away is way better than beating yourself up for loving. You relate to the feeling. You feel good somehow. It makes you remember the misery but somehow it is also an escape. The loneliness will be washed away by its own sweet melody. Whenever you feel like crying, you decide to listen to your heartbreak song. It is your story and it is other's story too. You are not alone.

What do you love most about a broken heart?

It cannot be unbroken but it can be reshaped to something more beautiful and precious. The memories of the pain will remain part of the past, but will not always be a person's present truth. A broken heart can become something new. A person can change or create his present truth. It's like another chance to start over. Being broken is breathtaking in its unique way. When you have experienced heartbreak, life becomes more meaningful and simple joys create greater impact to you. You won't appreciate happiness as much when you don't even know what the opposite emotion is like. You might have heard stories from others, you might have seen it in movies or books. But a theoretical view is nothing compared to a firsthand feel. It is always better impression when you know it yourself, not just based on what others told you about it. Heartbreak is best learned when experienced, whether it ended in a good or bad way. What matters are the takeaways anyway, the lessons, not just the heartbreak itself. An elder can only tell you as much on how you should live life despite the pain and and all the bull, that it should be to the fullest. Don't just listen. Listen, but also aim to create your greatness out of your own heartbreaks. I'm sure you have one you'd been brooding about. Treasure what has been broken, you can never tell what can come out of thinking one positive something out of all the obvious negatives. It's exhilarating. 

Heart heart. Saranghye!

Timing and Destiny

A lot of people finds comfort in the thought that what's meant to be, will be. Hardcore believers would even say that we have no say to what has been written because it is meant to happen. It feels good to be not responsible for life and it probably is best when all becomes shitty and wrong. It is safe and convenient especially when things are not going our way and we are just tired of trying to make amends. It's all a lie. Destiny is a misused and misinterpreted word people has been using as excuse for wrong decisions. It is something we could blame when we are too late to turn back and be in good terms with life. It's all fake and wrong because of people's stupidity and greed to have everything.

　

Maybe it is just all about timing. Regardless what is destined, it will only be a truth when the time is right and when a person decides that the time is right. If someone is not yet ready to get married, even when the perfect person to be married with is right in front of him, he still won't marry. Because the timing is not right. When he finds the right timing for himself to be married, and that perfect person has already passed by and is replaced by someone less perfect but nonetheless good, then destiny's call is for the person to marry the "less perfect but nonetheless good" person. Because he decided to make that moment his perfect timing. And nobody else but himself decided that. It was not a choice of imaginary fate, it is all a person's freewill and stuff.

　

Destiny always does its thing but a person's ability to recognize the right time for something could totally change the course of life. That exact moment when you decides that life is perfect will make everything perfect. You will ignore the wrong things around you because it is the right timing to do so. When you decides it is the perfect timing, you decides to take over your destiny.

Mmmm, mmmm
Say good-bye to not knowing when
The truth in my whole life began
Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry
You taught me that

And I'll remember the love that you gave me
Now that I'm standing on my own
I'll remember the way that you changed me
I'll remember

Inside I was a child
That could not mend a broken wing
Outside I looked for a way
To teach my heart to sing

I learned to let go of the illusion that we can possess
I learned to let go, I travel in stillness
And I'll remember happiness
I'll remember (I'll remember)

I'll remember..

I'll remember..

No I've never been afraid to cry
Now I finally have a reason why
I'll remember (I'll remember)

-Madonna

The world moves on even when you're in so much pain.

Stop crying and stop complaining, you do not carry the biggest of all the problems.

Take a moment to look outside... Observe. Think.

See that? The world moves on even when you're in so much pain.

I do not have a good memory. I can't even memorize my own mobile number. But the world has its ways of building our character and making us who we are. I cannot remember numbers and figures very well, but I can remember long conversations and stories that happen a long time ago. The memories of the happy moments makes me remember the euphoric feelings they made me feel. The sad and heartbreaking talks I had in the past can still make me cry sometimes.

They say moving on is the hardest thing to do. I think it is not just hard, I think it can be impossible if we allow it to be. I remember walking out of the gate I was so familiar of, like it was my own house I would never see again. I remember riding the jeepney to my bestfriend's house, with nothing but some change and tears. I remember crying all night, and then crying some more the next day. Crying went on for quite sometime. I remember my ate being so nice to me because she knew I was in so much pain, even when I I was not saying anything. I remember my friends visiting me like I was suffering from a serious illness. I remember just wanting them all to stop and to leave me alone, consumed by my misery. I had moments when I just stare at nothing, then would suddenly cry for reason I no longer remember now. 

I guess it is comforting to cry and just feel the pain, until you get used to it... until your heart gets tired of that aching throb and decides to look again for that light euphoric feeling. Life is full of heartbreaks, but still our hearts will never forget what happiness feels like. When we are done with all the bad feelings, what do we look for? What do we long for to feel again? 

Then we start to move on. Move on in such a way that we don't really forget the pain, we just realized what a waste it would be if we don't carry on life and stay being miserable. We remember the pain, we always will; but the pain becomes a memory of who we used to be and what we used to have. It becomes our past. We continue to move on. We start to be thankful to our friends and family who stayed by our side during our darkest and meanest moments. We start to be thankful to those who break our hearts for making us stronger. We start to grow up some more. We start to laugh again.

I remember what changed it all. I remember telling stories and not crying anymore. I remember the look of pride on the faces of people who knew what I went through. I remember the happiness they had when they found out I am following my dreams.

I remember the good things. I remember the bad ones. I treasure them all. I am thankful for it all. 

^____^

Hate is very intimate.

You force yourself to learn the lesson. It is difficult, but that's what makes the lesson worth the tears and sacrifices. If it is not difficult, you may not have a takeaway at all. When you look into the mirror, what do you see? Is it a face of someone at peace with what she has, or is it the face of someone else whom you think has no right to be happy? Before you sleep, what do pray or wish for? Is it for something good and pretty about yourself and the future, or do you wish for something bad to happen to others? For whatever it is you live for, do you think you deserve it all?

You are the hater. You are a nice person. No one is judging, yet everyone seems to be looking. You do your best to share the goodness you've learned while growing up. You do good or bad, you are hated. No one is nice to you. You just don't care. You live for yourself anyway, so why worry about what others have to say?

The thing is, no one lives for anybody else. We all live for ourselves and our interests. Our lives intersects with other people. We help others get back up when they fall down. We share resources. We find purpose from others' existence. Still, at the end of our day, we reflect on what our actions have contributed to our own sanity, how everything that happened affect us. How it helped (or did not help) our cause. 

When we hate, it is also our doing. Regardless of why or who we hate, it is us who feels the feelings; it is us who process the thoughts in our brains and sends the rest of the signals to our whole body (or however else Science explains it). 

Hate is very intimate. It is as extreme and as strong as love. If you have time to waste hating somebody, why can't you find time in forgiving them? It can be a hobby, you know. Don't you think there is already too much problem in the world?

- - - - - - - - 

And what are these words all about? Nothing, really. I don't even think the paragraphs make sense combined as one post. I am just trying to not notice how slowly time is passing. I mean, I am just so bored right now and I want it to be lunchtime already so I can start yet another great Saturday with my yabhi and my friends and everyone else who is interested to be with me. 

I've been playing Jenny-O songs and here is my takeaway for the past two hours. Somehow, these words just kind of make sense.

I wrestle with my reasons everyday

I listen to my friends and what they say

What they say

If you don’t put out

And we don’t see eye to eye

Then why can’t I leave you?

But you sound so smart

While you’re tearing me apart

I believe you, I believe you

All my wishes have come true

I’m thinking about it and I feel used

And fairly accused

Be another summer, take my fall

Come winter and nothing has changed at all

Nobody calls

- - - - - - - - 

On the good side though...

here we are, the "M Angels" (getting fatter each day),
greeting everyone a Happy New Year!
BTW. Guess who: Three are sisters, one is a cousin. Hard to guess? I know right!

It is not possible to be totally over a heartbreak.

It is a nice feeling to remember good things and great moments about people we lost. No matter how far away they've gone from us, the marks they left will always be within us. Instead of crying over what is not anymore, we should be indulging ourselves with what could still be. The world is full of possibilities, it is only a matter of believing something could happen. Things can be darn painful, like our life is falling apart and we are all alone, but we can choose to end our misery. Our past is part of our story. It is not just who we used to be, it is how we became who we are right now.

We never forget those nights when we only wanted to die or disappear after losing someone very important, we just find another reason to be alive on our own. We never forget how much happiness it used to be with them, we just learn happiness in a different way. They say no one dies from a broken heart, we all learn to let go and move one. From whatever pieces remain, we build a whole new self. If not, we learn to work our way slowly out of the things that does not feel good. We are not happy because we've found someone else to fill the gaping hole somebody else produced; we are happy because we found the strength to move on from the loss and be with other people again. People always come and go, no matter how good or loving we think we are to them. We don't have to understand the reason for being lonely, or for being left behind, we can be plain crazy for all they know. What we need to do is own our pain and crush it in our hands. What we need to do is place our faith in ourselves and know that the answer is nowhere around, it is within us. 

"Happiness comes most easily when you know what you’re doing, believe in what you’re doing, and love what you’re doing (and who you’re doing it with), regardless of how things turn out."

^__^

p.s. Today is "Hashtag Day..." 

#iamreadyforyou2015

#Merry2014Christmas

It must be very lonely for Time to heal all wounds...

Girl: I thought time heals all wounds...

Boy: Be patient. Some things, destined to be or not, will happen when they are bound to.

Girl: I just want it all to take away all the pain... to fix the broken, to help me get back up...

Boy: Sitting here beside you, watching you kill yourself slowly with thoughts that bring you nothing but hurt... It must be very lonely for Time to be the one healing all wounds...

No matter how hard we want to, we cannot just erase bad and hurtful memories. Even accidents that could cause memory loss do not guarantee a permanent brain damage (and that's not to consider how far we are now with technology and medicine). Though they never go away, I know they could fade with time. And as we come to create more memories, live more experiences, meet more people, make more dreams happen... we also come to eventually accept that these memories that we allow to haunt us, they are stopping us in more ways than we realize.

They fade with time... and there will come a point when we just don't want to overthink things anymore. Either way, nothing with these memories would change anyway. So what's the point, right? We can play each scene and run the same script over and over until we fall asleep, and when we wake up, nothing has really change. They still happened. But then it's a stupid and unrealistic premise (yeah, I don't believe it myself). It's easy to say "I'll survive this," but of course we do not take our own advice (giving the advice we could make ourselves listen to, that's our friends' job). Seriously though, when we've already moved on from the hurt, when we are already THERE on the other side watching the past with a nostalgic smile, that's the time we'll have the guts to say out loud that "Yeah, I know I'd survive it." But when we're still in the middle of the chaos, all we see is how humiliated we are, all we feel is how painful everything seems to be, all we could think of is that it's never ever going to be okay, all we want to do is be miserable and cry. Speaking from experience (I've been wanting to say that. hahahah), it's hardest to be strong when everything around us is falling apart. Ironically, we need courage the most when we're most broken, alone, and hopeless. Because even when human nature demands us to deny it to ourselves, we're going to be okay. Better sooner than later. Life is beautiful in this way... there are broken roads and there are the smooth ones. We can choose which way to take, but not really where it will lead us. We can regret the choices we've made all we want. But, c'mon, when we were making them, we did not think they were such bad ideas. In case the road we chose to take only lead us to a dead-end, we could always turn around and take another path. Eventually, our faith, perseverance, determination, pride, boredom, luck (and whatever else it might be), will lead us to that road we've been looking for all along. It will be worth all the waiting and failing and trying. Again, life is beautiful in this way.

Mahalin mo na lang kahit kunwari

Dalangin nyang nakatingin sa langit

Naubos na ang sandali ng buhay niyang kasing gulo

Ng ‘sang pelikulang wala namang istorya

Natapos ng ikaw na lang ang bida

‘di man lang nasabi na

Mahal na mahal mo sya

Mahal na mahal mo sya

Naubos na ang luha nya

Pikit na ang kanyang mata

Kanina’y nakatitig pa

Sa larawan mo na yakap nya

(Kai – Maryzark)

when you can't think out of the box 'coz YOU are the box.

You can only accept errors to a certain extent. Beyond that, you can say it's senseless, incoherent, meaningless.... Unbloggish. Yeah, naniniwala din ako na walang ganitong salita. Pero gaya nga ng sabi ng nakaimbento ng salitang ito, Nagkakaron lang ng bagong word kapag may nangahas na gamitin siya.

Ang lahat ng paglalakbay ay may dalawa lamang uri ng katapusan... 

1. Finish Line

2. Point of Surrender

Finish Line

When it's all about going in circles, the 'finish line' becomes a decision. When the ultimate purpose becomes  nothing but matter of chances and second best options, the 'finish line' becomes the new starting point. And one decides based on the future he desires... based on what his heart tells him to be the genuine and real. One could decide based on what the past had been, but nothing from the past could serve the purpose of being the ultimate deciding factor. 

This is hard because it comes with a lot of sacrifices and difficult decisions. The future is a solid blur but you hope that it's gonna be better. anyway. It's a trick we learn as a child. You get wounded, your mom kisses the wound and the pain magically turns into painless sting. The pain doesn't really go away, but somehow your mind finds a way to make the rest of you realize that it doesn't really make a difference if it is still painful or not. You move on and believe in non-existent magic. Then at some point the pain would really go away...

Point of Surrender

Giving up on something does not make a person weak, it does not make anyone a lesser man.... well, I take that back... it really depends. There's the good surrender (no pun intended. LOL), there's the bad one. The point of surrender that pisses the gods and goddesses off is that point when one gets greedy and selfish. Since it is just  not humanly possible to have it all, we are obliged to make sacrifices. And no one is always the wiser. We get to choose what we see fit best in the present situation. And since change is the only thing constant in this world, there is no such thing as consistency. The best for now could be our biggest regret tomorrow. The person who always wins is the one who takes the risk and consider the possibility of losing. When one gets greedy and selfish, the battle is already a lost cause even before the fight gets started.

The usual diagnosis for Selfishness and Greediness Syndrome? Too much responsibilities, too much demands, too much of everything that is just not manageable anymore. We thought we are too good to be true that we could handle it all. We fail to see that we can never upset the balance of the universe by trying to make everything work out in our favor. Then we lose important things, or we lose stupid stuff, or we lose from both categories. Then we point fingers when we can no longer handle the heaviness of the guilt... we find our escapes in just about anywhere that seems to fit. We don't recognize our faults because in our own twisted though we say to ourselves, Hey I did my best. If that's not enough, then that's your problem. The thing is, we don't do or give our best just for the sake of emotional investment. We try to make everything the best because it's what we feel like doing... yeah, nothing beats sincerity and thoughtfulness.

So there goes a lost cause. Going in circles. Placing blames. Finding short-cuts that don't really exist. We chase loose ends without realizing that they will always be loose ends. Sometimes, there are just too many questions and few supply of answers. And we just have to be okay with that. We play fire, we don't complain when we get burned. We ignore people, we don't cry when we lose them forever. We throw away things, we don't get mad when we are left with none. We don't love unselfishly, we don't get righteous when we are called selfish and fake.

I know there's nothing to be ashamed of in giving up. I don't have issues with giving up. I've been there and I've done that a million times. But giving-up without putting up a fight? That's what makes it all look wrong.

But then again the Point of Surrender could also be someone's Finish Line. One just have to find the trick on how to turn tables... **wink**

It's a blurry, crazy world.

So what are you really.... the Finish Line, or the Point of Surrender? Or maybe this is the wrong question.

There is a blank sheet of paper in front of you.... how would you write your story?

^_____^ (n__n)

when all else fails... I blog.

Sometimes we are the one happy, sometimes we are the one sad so others could experience that happiness. It is not happiness on our expense, it is just happiness that could not be shared with us... not anymore. The rule is, live by the day so we wont live by the past. Live by the day if the future is too dreadful for us to think about, to plan. Live by the day if we are tired of keeping promises that never really come true. Live by the day if there's so much thoughts and none of them we want to really think about. Live by the day if we don't want to live anymore. 

Live by the day until the routine gets its momentum. And then from that momentum, pick up the broken pieces and build another "lego house."  Once we start to try to make things better for us again, eventually we would find what it is we are looking for. Better things are only better because we make them, not because others give us enough chance to see them as that. No matter how much we hope for an easy way, there will always be difficult days. So we have to welcome bad days as we welcome the good ones. They too, shall pass...

From: Back to Basics (dreamlikehaven.blogspot.com)

- - - - - - - - - -

I only have two things to say... First, no matter how hard you try to live your life based on your truth, it will still remain your truth and yours alone. Don't play around with others' truths because you can always end up as the one getting burned. Second, not because you don't feel the presence does not mean it doesn't exist. Be careful what you wish for because once you get it, it might not at all be what you had expected. Then it is already at the point of no return no exchange zone.

You see, there are lots of blind spots, we can't cover 'em all....

it's ok to cry. but it didnt make me OK...

because i thought it was okay, I cried a lot.

i allow the pain to remain for sometime.

i was thinking, maybe, just maybe, we'll both get tired soon.

then it will be all over.

i'll get tired waiting for you to remember i hurt too.

i'd get tired looking for strength to pray you're ok.

i'll get tired searching for a flicker of gratitude.

i'll get tired being played over and over by your dirty hands.

i'll get tired hoping you'd come back.

that you, too, would get tired breaking my heart.

i can only wish, hope and pray.

i'm strong and tough and all.

but right now i just feel plain stupid. 

NOTE: picture was taken during my visit in Tagaytay City... well, that is entirely for another story. btw, this is a result of my dentist visit.. i just dont know how dentists could have voice that soothing and cause so much pain...sorry, im no dentist-fan...

***no smile for this post.

Courage in silence.

and i'd rather die today 

than live another day of this death...

- Snow White (snow white and the hunstman)

- - - - -

the world did not stop when you broke my heart, stepped on the shattered pieces, spit on them. for a while, it might have, everyone needed time to feel the misery and pain of a fall, after all. but  it ended as fast it had started. everyone was surprised, even myself.

fate has a way of imposing its rules upon us... so I had to learn the hard way to give some fight when necessary and do some twisting of my own. I was down, so I stood up. I was left behind so I ran to be able to keep up. It's not a matter of who believes in me, it's all about me believing in my self.

I know i would make it through... I made it true.

Choices. Decisions. Once i give up and choose to "go with the flow," i will lose control. Once i lose control, i will lose everything. 

Courage in a silent form... I stood up.