Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I wish the path you choose to take will bring you to good places.
I wish you learning from whoever you meet along the way.
I wish the journey will be full of unforgettable adventures.
I wish the people you keep close to you will never let you go.
I wish the people you have to let go will still keep in touch.
I wish you to find whatever it is you are looking for.
I wish you will never stop wandering even after discovering.
I wish your success will bring you happiness you will remember forever.
I wish you will always have the courage to take a step forward.
I wish you will never give up in whatever you choose to achieve.
I wish you will always see the good side of life despite dark days.
I wish that the dark days will also bring you wisdom.
I wish you will always be grateful and happy even when you're alone.
I wish you will not stop believing in magic.
I wish you receive as much unconditional love as you are giving.
I wish you to be always full of love even when you feel unloved.
I wish all the good things you know never fades away.
I wish 2018 will bring you more of what you desire.
I wish what you desire for yourself is always genuine and lasting.

Christmas photo with le sisters
and my inaanak pamangkin.
Happy Holidays!

Just Whatever on a Tuesday

If as a kid you thought everything was awesome and wonderful and your imagination brought you to chocolate factories and Disneyland, you had a topnotch childhood. Some kids don't even know what a happy giggle sounds like.

If as a kid you struggled in choosing which bedtime story your parents would read each night, you had a childhood full of love. Some kids don't even have parents to share dinner with.

If as a kid you wanted all Christmas and birthdays to be just about you and somehow you got your way with the adults, what a cute brat you must have been. Some kids never had a cake with their names on it.

Your life was perfect. Then you started to grow up. You started to have responsibilities to yourself and to others. 24 hours seems so short all the time. You still had so much to do that you always thought you were running late on everything. Time passes and you're still running. You still have not gotten your way. Still too much responsibilities. You think it sucks to be you. You feel sorry for what you are not yet even after trying so hard to be someone great and famous. You've been focusing all your energy and time to create more and add titles to your name. You wanted people to remember more than just your face. You chase away idle moments and ignored stopovers because they were such a waste. You circled through life like nothing mattered but achieving your goals and dreams. Nothing did matter... until you've reached the top. Then things started to matter. You tried to remember the last family reunion you've attended. You tried to browse though social media checking if your friends still know you like before. You searched your phone gallery, desperately looking for a familiar face with warmth. Nothing. 

People has moved on from you. You were after the wrong things this entire time, and it was already too late when you figured it out. If you can just turn back time, I'm sure you'd probably do the same things. Or not. See, the thing is, "Life is too short" is such a cliche that people take it for granted.  We throw away a lot of unimportant small items, deciding to just consume our life's space with huge ones, that when one big thing is gone, we are so empty. No small anything to fill in the hole. This time, it sucks to be you, for real.

How to not suck to be you? Grow up extraordinary. Don't be like the rest of the world who wishes for wealth and fame and ends up alone. Wish for wealth and fame and be with people who matters. You can't have it all, but dude, who says you can't dream of it all? Just know your priorities. Know which ones are you willing to lose in the long run. If push comes to shove, which will you let go? As long as you know what you want and you won't get confused when it's time to choose, it's ok to want it all. Otherwise, just think it over which can't you live without for a long time.

P.S.

I've just finished reading Jennifer Smith's This is What Happy Looks Like. It's an ordinary book. Some might even say there is really nothing special about it. I've actually read it twice, the first time was last year around November. Why? Because the book felt good to me. The email conversations were sweet. The pace of the story was not dragging. I remember someone from the story. It made me smile. You should try it sometimes.

EXIT.

You can be blind and still see everything that's beautiful.

We are thankful for what we have, but mostly, we long for those we think we want but could not have. We lack the satisfaction and gratitude towards things that matter. We waste so much energy in searching and chasing unimportant things. When we finally catch them, we ask for more because they don't feel right. It's not because we humans are faulty and thirsty by nature; it's because often, we lack the vision and the heart to read between the lines. 

Sometimes, I unconsciously disregard my family and friends knowing that they will always be by my side no matter what. I fail to appreciate the little successes I achieve because I'm hungry for that big step. I tend to make plans that overlaps because I'm trying to keep up with the world's panic. I can be a real *bit%& to my peers without considering their feelings. 

Sometimes, it feels like I'm invincible. Sometimes, it just feels like I'm running out of time.

Truth is, I just want to be happy and at the same time spread the happiness to everyone I can reach. But happiness is so general and vague that people tend to misinterpret what it means. From the past years, I've learned that my happiness is in giving love and in giving happiness. Selflessness is a healthy source of many good things. It does not have to be reciprocated for it to be genuine. If you can give and love without asking to be loved and be given, you will be loved and be given with so much more.

It's a big world, and what I can reach at the moment is so little. But I don't need to conquer the world, really. I know I am strong enough to fight the urge to conquer, not just because it is impossible, but also because I've learned to fill my heart with what it needs to be full of. Small steps of successes. A soft laugh. That beautiful rainbow on a shitty day. A sweet treat from a friend. A random love letter posted online anonymously.

You can, too. Just look deep into yourself and feel without looking at the world. What do you really need? What do you really want? What makes your heart skip and what makes your stomach flutter? You are surrounded by amazing things. Everything is provided, you just need the clear eyes to see it.

Good night!

Random Pictures From My Phone I Want To Share

New discovery at Maginhawa Street, or near it, I guess. The best pistacho ice cream you will ever find. I've tried a lot of ice creams, and this is only where I want to go back on every birthday. You can find it at Magiting St., Diliman, QC.

I was browsing random books to read, and the search results really made my day. THE BRO CODE, for real! So I downloaded these four, and started reading Barney's contribution.

The smiling face of my ever friendly and trusting little cousin. He is my stress reliever whenever I go home in our province. As little as he is, he knows that he needs to smile when someone says "Picture tayo!" He does not have mood swings or 'attitude' moments. He is just a baby but he already knows how to make a lot of people happy. He is the cutest!

Our recent Tagaytay City visit, which lead us to the coffee shop/restaurant Bag of Beans (I call it Baguio Beans). It has the best (and I really mean it) Strawberry Cheesecake in the whole wide world. The frappes are not too sweet (which is equal to not good for me), but when partnered with the cheesecake... YUM!

The cheesecake and frappe I am talking about!

My travel and foodtripping buddies, tell them a good place to visit or a good restaurant to eat, they will ask you where and when. We are planning to do Sagada this coming March. We are the team Awesome!

The wedding of my beloved... It was a memory of all beautiful things. I remember people looking so overwhelmed for the love and support flowing from everyone. It was a magical day where there was no room for anything else but happiness.

Someone told me it is obvious when I am faking my smile. I asked that person what it means, that person showed this picture to me and told me, "Yan, ganyan ang totoo mong smile." They say my eyes are smiling too when I am really happy. It was a really sweet thing to say.

When all else fails, there is HOPE.

I love how Destiny gets us to where we need to go, even when it means leading us to a dead-end first. I love the way Love molds us into a better person every time, even when it means shattering our whole being first. I love how Fate keeps it greatest promise and gives us our own happy ending, even when it means breaking other promises of joy and peace. I love how Life gives us that spark of hope when we are just about to give up, even when it means we will have to go on and take risks again.

Life is not perfect. It's that ultimate cliché that seems to give sense to everything. 2014 was like my "transformation" year. After all the painful things that happened on 2013, it was like a struggle when 2014 started. Then I found meaning in the the most unexpected places. I was not even looking. 

I found a new love. I found the career growth I was not aware I was looking for. I got closer to my family who understands everything even when I don't understand it myself. I got liberated for being who I am, and not who everyone else is. I found my place in another family who accepts me because I exist, not because I am useful and all. I found myself again. 2014 is the year when the 20-something-year-old me finally grew up in more ways than I ever imagined. 

I found happiness. I found contentment. I found forgiveness I never thought I could give. I learned to let go. I found peace.

My favorite game (at the moment) is right. Hope is a waking dream. It is that inner "us" that says we can do it, then will give us the reason to really make it happen. Hope is that tiny shadow of faith in life when too much light is clouding our judgement. Hope is that "something" that pushes us forward all the time. It never fails. It never will.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sharing my night's playlist. Sixpence NTR and them all.
Yes! I am wasting my leave on nonsense things I super miss doing.
^______^ 

Hate is very intimate.

You force yourself to learn the lesson. It is difficult, but that's what makes the lesson worth the tears and sacrifices. If it is not difficult, you may not have a takeaway at all. When you look into the mirror, what do you see? Is it a face of someone at peace with what she has, or is it the face of someone else whom you think has no right to be happy? Before you sleep, what do pray or wish for? Is it for something good and pretty about yourself and the future, or do you wish for something bad to happen to others? For whatever it is you live for, do you think you deserve it all?

You are the hater. You are a nice person. No one is judging, yet everyone seems to be looking. You do your best to share the goodness you've learned while growing up. You do good or bad, you are hated. No one is nice to you. You just don't care. You live for yourself anyway, so why worry about what others have to say?

The thing is, no one lives for anybody else. We all live for ourselves and our interests. Our lives intersects with other people. We help others get back up when they fall down. We share resources. We find purpose from others' existence. Still, at the end of our day, we reflect on what our actions have contributed to our own sanity, how everything that happened affect us. How it helped (or did not help) our cause. 

When we hate, it is also our doing. Regardless of why or who we hate, it is us who feels the feelings; it is us who process the thoughts in our brains and sends the rest of the signals to our whole body (or however else Science explains it). 

Hate is very intimate. It is as extreme and as strong as love. If you have time to waste hating somebody, why can't you find time in forgiving them? It can be a hobby, you know. Don't you think there is already too much problem in the world?

- - - - - - - - 

And what are these words all about? Nothing, really. I don't even think the paragraphs make sense combined as one post. I am just trying to not notice how slowly time is passing. I mean, I am just so bored right now and I want it to be lunchtime already so I can start yet another great Saturday with my yabhi and my friends and everyone else who is interested to be with me. 

I've been playing Jenny-O songs and here is my takeaway for the past two hours. Somehow, these words just kind of make sense.

I wrestle with my reasons everyday

I listen to my friends and what they say

What they say

If you don’t put out

And we don’t see eye to eye

Then why can’t I leave you?

But you sound so smart

While you’re tearing me apart

I believe you, I believe you

All my wishes have come true

I’m thinking about it and I feel used

And fairly accused

Be another summer, take my fall

Come winter and nothing has changed at all

Nobody calls

- - - - - - - - 

On the good side though...

here we are, the "M Angels" (getting fatter each day),
greeting everyone a Happy New Year!
BTW. Guess who: Three are sisters, one is a cousin. Hard to guess? I know right!

Share a smile!

A smile can go miles. It can cross lines that seem impossible to cross. It connects people and overcomes differences. It can mend broken ties.

A smile makes it possible for a broken heart to heal. It can be one's way of showing forgiveness, lending a hand, or offering a shoulder to cry on. It can light up other's lives, no matter how dark it might have been for them.

A smile can be one's way out of trouble. It can soften even the hardest of steels. An enemy can become a friend, and a friend can become a best friend.

Make your smile matter. 

Share a smile!

- - - - - - - - - - 

Here are what made me smile the past few days!

My cousin baby Paul na laging fluffy ang face. But he always smiles whenever a camera clicks!

My yabhi's cat, Bubu. I am not a cat person, but when this little guy does his crazy walks, I always laugh hard!

My two newly printed/bought batman shirts!

My bestfriend's little bro's gift to me. Spongebob cards!

Stuff and keychains, mine...and my baby's toys!

How about you? What's making you smile?

the roller-coaster ride

don't let other people's bitterness and hate make you bitter and hateful.

It is scary when the very foundation of what makes us happy is threatened by those who we know can live up to their threats. Life is simple, but it is never fairly easy to us all. The thing is, we will always have problems. We will always have people envying after us. We will always have people breaking our hearts and leaving us behind to pick up the remaining pieces alone. We will always have people who stay awake at night praying for our bad fortune. And life goes on. They will always be there. But we cannot allow their insensitivities (commercial: spellcheck says this is not a correct word. hahaha) to be the reason for our failure. Our happiness should depends on ourselves, not on what others have in store for us.

chances are only as good as we make them.

It's hard to decide, especially when the changes such decision will bring include a lot of unexpected and foreign things. Fear makes our imagination more active. We sometimes forget to hold on to hope, we sometimes forget what it's like to be brave. Whenever I feel down and scared, I like to think that we should take it one step at a time. Now that I am a few days in having to decide the career path to take, I am getting more and more scared. Cross the bridge when you get there, still, sometimes I just can't imagine the possibilities when I arrive at the bridge. People around me are also adding to the pressure. It's crazy. But hell, yeah, I love it.

there will come a time when it will makes sense.

^___________^

the worst choice...

the worst choice you can make is no choice at all..

-the five year engagement..

we all have our ghosts, crosses to carry, banes of our existence. in this life wherein nothing is constant but those things we allow to be constant, every next step is more often a question. heck, there are often more questions than there are answers. but those things that hunt us, that keep us awake at nights and unwelcomingly invade our dreams, those are part of who we are. what we've become in the present is a summation of our past life, a history that could never be changed or altered. we are who and what our personal history made us.

so how do we deal? it's how we use them, and not be used by them. maybe that's how real courage goes -- how one acts against forces he doesnt have the power to fight, how one reacts on consequences he might or might not have played a part on, how one treats his own self after a failure or a huge mistake he knows very well to be his own fault. 

It's not about winning it all, it's about what had become of us after the fight that matters. Victory doesnt mean a thing when all the good and wonderful that one had stood for, all that one believed to be who he is, is compromised. Every battle will always take something from us and install something of its own that we would have to live with for the rest of our lives. But to be corrupted and changed into a worse man is never the way things are supposed to be....

Courage. Valor. Bravery. 

Different words, nonetheless imparts the same meaning.

It's never always the same....

^__^

once upon a girly tale..

My life is definitely far from most movies and books that tell us happy endings are for everyone. We just have to be good, kind, hardworking, and friendly all the time, then everything else would follow suit. After some antagonistic encounters with the bad guys, of course. But things just don't work the way we would prefer them; not the easy way fairytales and teleseryes lay it out. 

Real life rarely is. Especially when we are stubbornly pretending we had it all under control, that we are writing our own story, that we were choosing our own characters and settings. Sometimes, we don't even need villains to ruin things for us, we could handled it all pretty well.

I can never make it up to those people I've hurt, intentionally or not. It's easy to say 'you can do better next time' or whatever, but in reality, there rarely is a next time. Second chances are given, but a hollow shadow casted could never be removed even after many lifetimes. Call me pessimist, but hey, reality usually sucks. 

Forgiving is one thing, forgetting is another story. There are those who think these two are the same, I totally disagree. One can deceive others, but not himself. He knows its there, he knows people  think twice before trusting again. he knows they are more conscious, he worry more for a broken word or any mistake... 

The best thing I could do is promise, though im pretty sure many would consider my words empty and not meant. But in time, maybe someday, I can show to the world how well I meant every single promise to do better....

someday, i will be great enough, maybe not to be accpeted, but at least to be understood...

^__^