You are my Fix

“Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, and then there are those remarkably rare, addictive ones who just bring out the most. Of everything. They make you feel so alive that you’d follow them straight into hell, just to keep getting your fix.”

@ Twin Lakes, Tagaytay

I love you

I hope to create that version of my universe
Where I can hope 
Where I can love
Where I can wait

But there's that beautiful place we can't go
There's that crazily wonderful feeling we can't feel
I can fade here and now
Or I can wait until forever...

Losing is Finding

I found my soulmate a few years back. Then I wrote him love songs and letters and picture-perfect dreams. But like everything else, I lost him to something more beautiful than what I could offer. So I found the most heart-breaking and loneliest songs. I had them define my life while I repeat stories in my head. I made up alternate endings to an already concluded page. I knew I could not change a thing, but ain't it comforting to think we could have said or done something else to stop reaching the point of no return? It was comforting back then. 

Then I moved on. I embraced the pain but the longing could only go so far. Once it had reached the finish line, I found it easier to start listening to the feel-good songs again. I was sad. I hated. I cried a lot. I got tired. Then I started to smile, as if nothing happened. I started to appreciate those that never left. I strengthened my faith to the greater one because I almost forgot He was the one guiding me through it all.

I became happier. I thanked my lost love for making me this strong. Now I can welcome pain once more. Now I can listen to heart-break and lonely songs and still find the beauty of love in them. 

Losing is a beautiful thing because it always mean we're going to find something more than what we lost. It doesn't mean the same exact thing that was gone. It could be finding our own strength, or a better song, or something that would define us in ways we never thought possible.

I love you. And we don't have to be together to act out that love. I will always be your light. Thank you for being a happy memory.

Sometimes I wake and see them reaching out for you

Quietly breaking whatever shields

I spent so long building up

I cannot fake, cos when they cry I'm unspoken

They miss holding my baby

My hands, no they don't wanna understand

They just shake and try to break

whatever peace I may find

- My Hands, Leona Lewis

p.s.
18 days before Christmas! And we go la la la la laaaaaaa!
^_^

Choose 5 songs and play 'em over and over and over...

You took my breath away, then when I was just ready to break myself again, you turned your back and walked away. I could stay behind and wait in vain until she comes back to make you feel right and give your life a meaning once more. Foolish. I know I'm way way down below foolish. I can take it as long as you'll allow me be your fool. I'd rather be next to nothing than be nothing itself.  Until I find meaning to being without you, I'll stick around. Unless you tell me I can go, I won't. There's that bluebird again, eh?

The things that go wrong often make the best memories. —Gretchen Rubin

I've spent life hovering above bottom

Thinking I can't survive what's below

But I've known through the kicking and screaming

That there was no other direction to go

I feel done, I feel raked over coals

and all that remains is the case

That it's a bitch to grow up

-It's a bitch to grow up by Alanis Morissette

We're all looking for that "something" to fill the void we have inside. Yet, there is always nothing that's huge and perfect enough to make things everlasting. Why? Because nothing on the outside world will ever complete us. Because only we can complete ourselves. Believing otherwise only results to disappointment. Nobody and nothing defeats the kind of fulfillment we can bring to ourselves. Once we accept that we are responsible and very much capable of creating our happiness, then we'll be at peace.

I am in turmoil right now. I can't decide if I should do what's right for them or what's right for me. Both options will hurt someone. Both options will cause sadness. Some people will even have to leave without saying goodbye. Yes, I am in turmoil.

When the wave comes, go deep.

I feel like I can't.

A Great Perhaps

First love, a sad story I remember not to forget

Sadness creeps in and memories start to flash

Day by day I keep saying I don't care, not anymore

My hearts knows the words yet I don't dare speak their worth

First love, it is the best story I will someday share

To friends, to lovers, to my one truest love, I hope

I walk with two feet, I listen with eyes closed

And to my first love I say, my heart shall never grow old

Colorful yesterdays, a rainbow-kind of first love

They said the end has gold, first love is a child's prayer

Preciously protecting, with no chance of letting go

I held on, I still am holding on, until I lose control

First love, my beloved wonderful love

Look not behind but within, the magic is in your heart

Say your wish and the stars will command

Once more, be beautiful and be truly in love

Note: The title and the story is inspired by the book I am currently reading. 

I like soul.

I like you. I want you. I long for you. 

I love you.

https://www.facebook.com/thispageisaboutwords

Who made your eyes blue?

I thought that you'd be loving me.

I thought you were the one who'd stay forever.

But now forever's come and gone

And I'm still here alone.

'Cause you were only playing,

You were only playing with my heart.

I was never waiting,

I was never waiting for the tears to start.

It was you who put the clouds around me.

It was you who made the tears fall down.

It was you who broke my heart in pieces.

It was you, it was you who made my blue eyes blue.

Oh, I never should have trusted you.

I thought that I'd be all you need.

In your eyes I thought I saw my heaven.

And now my heaven's gone away

And I'm out in the cold.

'Cause you had me believing,

You had me believing in a lie.

Guess I couldn't see it,

I guess I couldn't see it till I saw goodbye.

'Cause you were only playing,

You were only playing with my heart.

I was never waiting,

I was never waiting for the tears to start.

It was you who put the clouds around me.

It was you.

It was you who put those clouds around me.

It was you who made those tears fall down.

Only you who broke my heart in pieces.

It was you, it was you who made my blue eyes blue.

Oh, I never should have trusted you.

- Song by Eric Clapton

HAPPY SMILING EASTER!

Merrily we fall

Out of line, out of line

I’d fall anywhere with you

I’m by your side

Swinging in the rain

Humming melodies

We're not going anywhere until we freeze

I’m not afraid, anymore

I’m not afraid

Forever is a long time

But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side

Carefully we'll place our destiny

You came and you took this heart, and set it free

Every word you write or sing is so warm to me, so warm to me

I’m torn, I’m torn to be right where you are

I’m not afraid, anymore

I’m not afraid

Forever is a long time

But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side

Tell me everyday I get to wake up to that smile

I wouldn't mind it at all

I wouldn't mind it at all

You so know me

Pinch me gently

I can hardly breathe

Forever is a long, long time

But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side

Tell me everyday I get to wake up to that smile

I wouldn't mind it at all

I wouldn't mind it at all

-He is We: I Wouldn't Mind

HAPPY EASTER!
There is always happiness in everyday. Don't frown, okay?

6 Things my Ex-boyfriend had taught me

1. Know when to stop chasing the wrong things and the wrong people. Be kind to yourself. If you keep on welcoming pain just because you think it is worth the while, you might get to the point where you no longer value anything or anyone. Then you might lose all the motivation and forget why you started fighting in the first place. Do not sacrifice who you are just to get something you're not even sure you really want to have. Forever is a concept of love, trust, loyalty, faith, compromise, sacrifice, combined as one formula.

2. Do not let rejection be your undoing. When you are rejected, look for something positive it caused. If you can't find one, create one of your own. Then believe it so it can be real. Rejection ends relationships, but it does not kill dreams. It can cause temporary numbness, but eventually brings back your feelings. Then when you got the flow of emotions once more, you can move on and give life another shot. Over and over, you give life one more chance. Then maybe, you will get the same favor in return. That's all it takes: One chance.

3. Discover good vibes from what's there instead of drawing pain for what's not anymore. Sometimes, you get to lose some so you can learn to appreciate another. Sometimes, you get to be alone to discover how strong you can be. You are capable of so much more, you were designed to do great things. When the outside world is too chaotic to give answers, try to look closer in you. Simple things are normally the answers to complicated questions.

4. Leave something you can go back to when all else fails. Something kind. Something calming. Something you love unconditionally. Something that will stay no matter what. Then you can take comfort from it whenever you feel alone and abandoned. Then you won't feel as hopeless as you could have been. Anything you can hold on to make a difference matters. Your hearts can even call it Home.

5. Live one day at a time. A day or two cannot fix a broken heart. It takes time for wounds to heal. It takes time for realizations to sink in. If one day is too hard, live just by the hour. It doesn't matter what you are living for, or how long you're willing to take the small steps just to get to wherever the destination is. As long as it is for the better, it is always okay. As long as you keep going and hoping, it is okay. And maybe, it will not just be okay, maybe it is the opportunity for better things (The Walking Dead).

6. When there is nothing left, go back to the basics. Breathe in. Breathe out. Watch the sunrise, then wait for the sunset. Wake up. Eat. Watch a movie. Play poker. Talk to your friends. Visit your father. Say 'I love you' to someone important. Exercise. Get a dog. Sing a country song. Eat something sweet. Jog. Make face. Dress up your best summer outfit. Sit on you porch with a book and drink coffee. Write a journal. When the world is too much, we can always go back to the basics.

Life can't be that bad all the time, right?

The silence tells me something is about to happen. Something important. Something life changing. Something that would decide a person's happiness. Something that would result to someone else's sadness. The would-be happy person knows how pain feels like. The would-be sad one has experienced joy, too. It looks fair, somehow, to the eyes of the one making the final judgement. But it is not. 

For it to be fair, no one should be making the choice for anyone, no one should be manipulating fate. It is not fair because it will never work out, knowing someone has made it that way. Still, it has been decided.

Words will be said. Good news. Bad news. 

Then people will act out of the orders given. Someone will have forever, another won't. Someone will see the good side of life, someone will lose tha chance to have even just a glimpse. One will have a family while another will be alone until the end. 

No reconsideration. No second chances.

It has been decided.

I can be your quick fix.

My tendency to want to hide away feels easier and

The immediacy is picturing another place comforting to go

The only way out is through

The faster we're in the better

The only way out is through ultimately

The only way out is through

The only way we'll feel better

The only way out is through ultimately

We could just walk away and hide our heads in the sand

We could just call it quits, only to start all over again

With somebody else

Every time we're stuck in struggle, I'm down for the count that day

Every time I dream of quick fix I'm assuaged

Now I know it's hard when it's through

And I'm damned if I don't know quick fix way

But formerly mistreat me silence now outdated

My tendency to want to run feels unnatural now

The urgency to want to give to you I don't want most feels good

- - - - - - - - -

We are not supposed to let go just because it's hard, we are supposed to be stronger during rough times. We build relationships through time, experiences, and of course, the basic ingredient: Love. 

I don't have the right to judge, no one has. But in this world where people come and go, it is foolishness to take someone for granted. It is not a game that we play when convenient, then we abandon when something better comes along. We are talking about a "life" here. Someone else's feelings. We should not let anything blindside us from being the kind and loving person we've always been just because it is confusing or unsure. Not even hateful words. Not even unforgiving people. Not even harsh realities. Not even lies or dishonest truths.

♫♫♫ The only way out is through... ♫♫♫

Experience the pain to move on from the reason/s behind it. Cry your heart out so that tears won't occupy too much space in your heart. Help someone up from being down so you can forget how incomplete you are feeling at the moment. Watch a crowd of people laugh and try to absorb their happiness, your sadness can have its own time once you get home. Find the best spot for sunrise, then go back for the sunset. Let go. Watch your favorite movies with a friend or family. Find your own distractions. When you are tired of trying to be strong and pretending you're okay, then you can be weak. 

I hope I can be there while you are trying so hard to be not incomplete. But I know deep inside that I am not who you want. I am not stupid not to know I am not the one you need. For now, I can be your distraction. I can be your quick fix. That sound stupid, yeah. Hey, for one to love, one must be stupid.

I know you will have what you deserve, I've always believed that. Maybe not yet, but someday you surely will. Because regardless of what has happened, you are and will always be loved. A good person has a good destiny all planned out. Never get tired of waiting.

I hope you have your personal Baymax there with you.
Uhm. Better if on this dress. :-)

(n_n)                          (n_n)