Monday, December 7, 2015

Losing is Finding

I found my soulmate a few years back. Then I wrote him love songs and letters and picture-perfect dreams. But like everything else, I lost him to something more beautiful than what I could offer. So I found the most heart-breaking and loneliest songs. I had them define my life while I repeat stories in my head. I made up alternate endings to an already concluded page. I knew I could not change a thing, but ain't it comforting to think we could have said or done something else to stop reaching the point of no return? It was comforting back then. 

Then I moved on. I embraced the pain but the longing could only go so far. Once it had reached the finish line, I found it easier to start listening to the feel-good songs again. I was sad. I hated. I cried a lot. I got tired. Then I started to smile, as if nothing happened. I started to appreciate those that never left. I strengthened my faith to the greater one because I almost forgot He was the one guiding me through it all.

I became happier. I thanked my lost love for making me this strong. Now I can welcome pain once more. Now I can listen to heart-break and lonely songs and still find the beauty of love in them. 

Losing is a beautiful thing because it always mean we're going to find something more than what we lost. It doesn't mean the same exact thing that was gone. It could be finding our own strength, or a better song, or something that would define us in ways we never thought possible.

I love you. And we don't have to be together to act out that love. I will always be your light. Thank you for being a happy memory.

Sometimes I wake and see them reaching out for you
Quietly breaking whatever shields
I spent so long building up
I cannot fake, cos when they cry I'm unspoken
They miss holding my baby

My hands, no they don't wanna understand
They just shake and try to break
whatever peace I may find

- My Hands, Leona Lewis

18 days before Christmas! And we go la la la la laaaaaaa!