Saturday, October 20, 2012

thank God it ain't love.


my bestfriend's random question: 
he's trying to pull you back again. how d'ya feel about that?

there's still feeling so sometimes it hurts. 
maybe it's mean of me to say this, but thank God it is not love. 
Not anymore.

REALIZATION: When we truly love someone, we give up everything that we are, we are ready to surrender everything we believe into if it has to come to that. We are the same person but somehow we are entirely different one. We feel things we never knew existed. Even when we are the most logical person we know, love make us accept the possibilities of the unreasonable. Love could be our strength and our weakness at the same time. Love is crazy in itself, being crazy because of it is just another complication.

I am in peace because i have let go of the love that consumed me for so long. I am in peace because i have let go of the pain and bitterness caused by the same love that broke me into tiny pieces. I didn't even thought that much hurt and deception was possible, but i guess we all have difficult choices to make.  too bad for me part of that choice was to betray me and leave me behind, clueless that all hell would break loose soon. but i learned my lessons, a lot of 'em if i may say. the greatest (and at some point the most heartbreaking for me) of which was that LOVE IS ALWAYS ALL ABOUT CHOICES. 

i don't blame my friends and colleagues if some of them don't believe i've moved on from my recent heartbreak. i was way down deep in love and they witnessed how much i put my everything in that relationship. but i am really happy and content with what i have now. i am happier and more content with who i have become. it hurt a lot when i fell down. but it was the best feeling when i was able to turn it all around. it is funny how others think they know exactly what you are going through without really understanding all the 'have and had beens' of the situation. i don't really care about those talking behind my back, saying how much they pity me and the likes. because honestly, most of them are just after the gossips. there were times when i am a gossiper myself. maybe it is that feeling of "thank God it happened to someone else..." now i am that someone else... yeah, im somehow feeling guilty about gossiping.

some get lucky and happy, some cry. one thing sure is that we can't be on the lucky-and-happy side all the time. and when it is our turn to cry, it also becomes our turn to make our own choices.

i couldn't say i don't feel anything anymore. of course i do. it was true love after all. it had been true to me all those time, no matter how unreal it had been to anybody else. but let me just get it clear...it is not LOVE.... not anymore.
Fortunately. 

^______^


btw, im on a vacation. happy vacation to me! there's just infinite supply of food anywhere so i'm feeling reeeeeaaaally cheerful today... hihihi. happy weekend everyone!