Tuesday, July 2, 2013

a radio song...random Tuesday thoughts...my diary...

Picture perfect, starting to hold on
To these new eyes
My (my) worlds drawn out in crayon
All the lives we come across
We shine a light to see our own
I love beautiful things. But they can't be just plain beautiful, they have to have substance, or maybe magical component. Call me crazy, or maybe a kid, but yeah, I live in a fairytale world where Santa's favorite reindeer is Rudolph. And yeah, I still have the song Winter Wonderland in my player even if it's already July.

Remember back to every story told
Who you were before the rush hour
Dared to see the world with your own two eyes
So you’ve made mistakes, now who’s wide awake
It’s a tidal wave...

Dreamcatchers. Fireworks. A balloon. Sandcastles built to last. McDonald minions. Kiddie rides in amusement parks. Soft rainfall. A rainbow. A bouquet of flowers. Cotton candies and gummy bears. All things last. But the best things always leave marks even after it's past their time. And these things, these people who always come and go no matter what lifetime it is, these are what and who I call unforgettable experience. 

Our worlds collide, become one in the starlight
Forget perfect endings
Let’s dare and live for the day
Today, today’s like no other...

I wait for miracles to happen. I wait for extraordinary things to come out of simple everyday decisions. Sometimes I am sure they're gonna come soon, whether I just sit, listen to my player, and do nothing. But most of the time, I know I have to make them happen. Otherwise they won't materialize. Ever. And so I create the magic I want.

Words come alive in the story of our time
Let’s all quit pretending
Let’s dare and live for the day
Today, today’s like no other

I am home...

I wish I can forget all the pain I once felt. At some point, we all wish to erase something in our past, something that we'd rather not experience again. But I know it won't be a better me without all those hurt. I am who I am now partly because of all that has happened to me, good or otherwise. My past is not defining my present and future, but it is definitely a driving factor to a lot of important things going on inside me right now. I am who I am because they happened, and no good promises would ever replace the lessons from those experiences.

Hit a wall...
But there ain’t no shutting this door
We’re gonna live, keep faith
We gonna soar soar soar
To a higher ground
We charge to claim our own

Dead-ends. Final chapters. Periods and exclamation points. Whenever I look back at the past few years, there is always that one person that keeps on 'happening' in my life. He appears, he disappears. He buys me cakes, then breaks my heart. He watches movies with me, then become a villain in my story. I am not sure what he really is, most of the time. This is the first time I'm going to admit this on print: I cried a lot because of him. But at the end of the day, he is still that one person that I see myself with in the future, no matter where we are or whatever we might be doing. A lot of things are really impossible, but a lot of magic exist in this world, too. So why not have faith in something that seems to be not possible even just for once?You just might be surprised with what faith alone could do. 

P.S. I guess despite the decisions he choose to make, he will always be someone I'd pray and wish for.

Hello world, Forget what’s the play
But we’re gonna look to shake this rust away

'Cause i’m just gonna live my life
Pick up the pieces of what’s been left behind
Bring back the memories of that special time
No doubt... No fear...
No question I know what’s gotten me here
My sweet escape, hello long goodbyes

I am...

I am scared, and yeah, I still get sad (my diary could testify that). But who doesn't? I also have to remember the feeling of pain and loneliness sometimes. They make me feel alive. They remind me that I can also be happy and content. They remind me that rainbows are not always there after the storm, but all storms eventually stop, rainbow or not. That prayers get answered. That people who die go to a more beautiful and peaceful place. That even if all things end, they create beginnings, too. As long as I don't allow them to eat me alive and keep me awake at night, then it's okay to give them some space. It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along, as what the Maroon 5 song says. 

I am home
Remember who you are
Remember who you are
I am ..i am ..i am... Home...

Our words come alive in the story of our time
Between wish and the waiting
Let’s dare and live for the day...

Soon, I will have to make decisions for my life. To close some open deals. To upgrade to the next level. To collect more experience. To fulfill some short-term goals. To escape boredom, maybe. What I like best about making life changing decisions is that it brings the best out of me. I don't always see the result, or even when I do, there's always an unexpected twist. But at least it keeps me on the game. And as far as I can tell, I am winning...

Carousel (by Bamboo)
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