Wednesday, October 10, 2012

guilty by association

my two bestfriends just went home an hour ago. we had dinner together to celebrate my last day in college (yipeeeee!). they surprised me with a chocolate and an ube cake -- they just know me too well. we had a little chat, flirt some more, then they had to go home because there's still work and school for them later.

after sending them home, i had this random thought.

hindi sa pagkakaroon o kawalan ng karelasyon nasusukat ang kasiyahan at pagkakuntento ng isang tao. minsan iniaasa lang talaga natin dito masyado and bagay na kung tutuusin ay kaya naman natin maattain ng mag-isa. hindi dahil mag-isa tayo, miserable na ang lahat. ang pagiging masaya ay attitude lang din, ika nga nila. it's a choice more than it is a work of fate. happiness is a form of courage, it a display of strength instead of being the source of any kind of weakness.

        Here's a thought for every man
        Who tries to understand what is in his hands
        He walks along the open road of Love & Life
        surviving if he can 

more than once in my short stay in this not-so-tolerant world with many not-so-tolerant people, i've known how heartbreaking things could get. most of the time, the little stuff could cause the most shattering pain. but life still, and will always, go on. we survive, otherwise we would get corrupted until we die.

         Bound with all the weight 
         of all the words he tried to say
         Chained to all the places 
         that he never wished to say

i am not an empty space. i will never be just an empty space. this is not a mantra. this is what i always (jokingly) answer when someone asks me who i am, or what i want to be when i grow up. sometimes i get caught up in being someone people want me to be that i tend to forget being me is enough to light my way in chasing whatever it is i am chasing. it is not a matter of pride or vanity, it is just the way i should love and respect myself. simply for who i am. for gifts God had bestowed me with.

                Bound with all the weight of 
          all the words he tried to say
          and as faced the sun he cast no shadow

even when i get lost, i have this belief that if i would not stop looking, eventually i would find the right way. from that belief, the simple fact that i have faith, is enough source of courage. maybe i dont always get it right. maybe i am too adventurous for my own sake most of the time. but as long as i am happy with who i am and what i do, i think there's nothing wrong with it. too much risks? well, we all have our own ways of looking at things, right?

           As they took his soul they stole his pride
           As they took his soul they stole his pride
           As they took his soul they stole his pride 
           And as he faced the sun he cast no shadow

i remember sad and hurtful experiences the first part of my previous day. i was missing someone badly when i woke up that i could not focus on anything after that. even a long bath did not help my dark mood. then as i was eating my DQ oreo blizzard (ok, not a smart choice for brunch), i turned it all around in my head...that despite all those, i'm still standing, chasing stars and deadlines (hahaha.silly joke huh).. but hey, it is a good life. those experiences made me who i am now, but it stops there. i cannot allow them to define my future for me. i dont want them to even be the sole definition of who i am now. 

i am me. just ME. no 'because ofs' and no 'despites'....   

Note: CAST NO SHADOW is a song by  one of my favorites, OASIS.



  1. Finally I'm reading your blog.
    It is so nice.
    well written post.

  2. I like the way you think... that's right being single doesnt mean you're not happy... Keep your chin up :)


  3. This speaks volumes of the 'down mood' you previously mentioned. Time and memories. They're like a rope, interwined. For time makes memories, and memories make time. Memories give you reason to hold on when everyone and everything gives you reasons to let go.

    this was a beautiful post. the emotion simmering under the surface, not visible on first glances but it's there. And I can hear the words you left unspoken.

    Hopefully you sort things out soon. Smile. Always. There's always a reason to smile.

    1. @izdiher
      thanks! :)

      minsan mas masarap pa maging SINGLE. LOL. parang kanta lang...

      thanks. that's really encouraging...smiling sure helps, even when sometimes they are not from real joy. :)

  4. Hi!
    Thanks for visiting my blog earlier on~
    Have a nice day ya!