It's not just about being brave

Crying is not a sign of weakness. It takes a brave heart to gamble even with so little chance of winning. Do not be ashamed of being broken; someone who has never been broken has never really loved. There is love even in losing love, it just takes experience for one to see the good side in breaking. Experience. Hmm.

It must get worst for it to become better. Don't focus on the worst, look forward to the better. Do not be scared to break something that's already broken, barely kept together by false promises and biased hopes. Maybe it's all just a test of courage. It takes bravery to overcome a heartbreak. It takes bravery to become someone's heartbreak. It takes lot of lots to become both the breaker and the broken. 

When the time comes and everything finally breaks, look closely at the chaos you created. Stop looking at your misery alone because you knew all along that it's going to be madness. You can't self-pity. You can't self-destroy. You would have known it's not something you can easily fix by apologizing. People remember feelings more than words being said, how they felt betrayed and all. Grieve with all the people hurting or be someone they can hate when they need to get angry. Everything will pass when the time comes. People will eventually accept, even if they never forgive. You can't expect them to understand your pain when they can't even get pass their hurt. Take comfort in the thought that at least, you've been honest with your feelings, even if it took time.

Look forward to when the chaos ends. The time will come when you can start with a clean slate. Not for others but for yourself. It's fine to slowly drift away and hurt. But even painful memories can translate to fondness so don't run away when it's difficult. Walk slowly, absorb the pain, and look forward to that moment when you are done hurting. You will have time to rest. Don't disappear when it unfolds, that's a coward's escape. You have to be there to know which pieces to keep and which ones you have to let go. You will not control all, but there's some which you will be able to decide on. When it all breaks, that's when you need to be braver. It's all a test of bravery. You can only keep two handfuls, are you strong enough to choose which ones to drop?

I keep telling this to myself. Please give me strength.

Carry me

Back to safety

I can't fall asleep

But still I'm stuck in this god damn dream

lie to me describe to me how all of this

is not what it seems to be

Here's to the sorrow, the hurt and the pain we all face

The lonely nights afraid

Here's to the chances we all throw away every day

So raise your glass with me to one more day

- To infinity and beyond, Wayward