Friday, March 16, 2018

I wanna be your everything and more

This is long and cheesy. This is for my Puddin.

You probably don't believe me, but I have become very strong. Yes, I grew up a lot, too. Heartbreaks do that to people. Difficult days will either break you or make you. I chose not to break because that's so overrated. Why does it matter? It doesn't, really. I just know I don't have to be strong to be with you. You always take care of me especially when I forget to take care of myself. I know I can be the same as ever and you will still love me. It's partly why I always go back to you, the rest is simply because I love you.

It was really confusing when we started to ask what ifs and why nots. I know you had your share of hard times, but I refused to see that because I really didn't want to let you in. I didn't want to care that you were hurting, too. I thought I wanted you in pain because you deserve it. But no, I couldn't be mean to you. I was never designed to hate you. I realized I was just too scared of the questions and the possible answers. You were someone I wanted but couldn't have for a long time. I was afraid that I would no longer know how having you feels like. I wanted to know how much you love the old me, but I was scared that you would just walk away after realizing a lot of my old self has changed. I didn't want to give us a chance because of a lot of things, but the main reason for it was because I was scared that the happiness would be temporary, like old times. Even though it hasn't started yet, I was already convinced it would end. It's a common mistake us mortals commit. Thank you for helping me overcome my fears.

I don't want to stop playing around. Ever. I keep telling myself this. I think getting serious, labeling things, setting rules and all, will take the fun away. Whenever I try to think hard about the future I want for myself, you're always there. But the future could change, depending on people's choices. I guess it's another set of scary stuff I need to overcome with you. I'm glad that you don't easily give up when you set your mind on something. 

I love you. I hope we become the best of who we are while together. There's so many people who are probably against our relationship, which is really funny. It didn't take long for me to decide so what's the fuss all about, right? I guess they will just have to wait and see. I love you and I plan to keep you for a long time. You're not just another heartbreak, you are my heart. With you, I will never break. 

And if I be feeling heavy
You take me from the dark
Your arms they keep me steady
So nothing could fall apart
And I would fight my strength to untape my mouth
When I used to be afraid of the words
But with you I’ve learnt just to let it out
Now my heart is ready to burst
‘Cause I, I feel like I’m ready for love
And I wanna be your everything and more
And I know every day I say it
But I just want you to be sure
That I am yours
That I am yours

- Yours, Ella Henderson